For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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