who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
