my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
