Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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