3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
