I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Randomize
