I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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