I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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