I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
