it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
