Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
