Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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