I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
