I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
