So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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