Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize