What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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