last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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