shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
