if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
