I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize