How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
