Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
