when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize