discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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