i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
