if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
