"it" just moved
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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