she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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