erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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