Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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