He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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