Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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