I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
