I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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