The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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