the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
