after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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