He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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