don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
