am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
