I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize