1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
