ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
