Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
