I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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