wrigley field is MILF paradise
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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