I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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