I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
