Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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