I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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