I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
