Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he puts the penis in happiness.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i think my cat just said my name.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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