In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
