I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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