I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
