just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
