Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
