YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Randomize
