When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
