Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
