You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
