I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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