oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
