You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
