We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
