I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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