ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
it glows. i had to have it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
