Yo dont text me then not text me
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
